Talk:The Beginning of the End: Chapter 1/@comment-4080028-20140208094704

I have to admit, what really got me to read this was Rinji's rather flattering review. Though as for myself, well, I do have to agree that this is a nice start to your story. A bit different than what I'm used to and how I prefer to do things, but still good. I really loved seeing Wayco's care for Torn the most. Reminds me of exactly how I feel about my own little brother, and how far I'd go to be there for him. Wayco earned quite a bit of respect from me for that alone, needless to say he was only eight at the time. Hell, I would have probably died if I tried to save my brother in a storm at that age. And now that I think about it, I like how I can connect with him on another level; we're both told that we think way too much. And like Wayco, I'm starting to believe I do overthink things to death.

Also, just as a friendly reminder, it seems you had two typos.


 * 1)  Somehow awful was coming, he just knew. But he didn’t know when.
 * 2) His lip slighting pouted, which was always a sign that he was lying.

I'm guessing "somehow" was supposed to be "something." Likewise, I assume "slighting" was supposed to be "slightly"?

And now that I go over the fun the siblings were having earlier again, I have to also admit that I had fun reading that part. It's always amusing to see kids messing around with their siblings. Also reminds me yet again of how my own little bro and I act towards one another. Cracking jokes, teasing each other at the other's expense, and so forth. I enjoyed that scene. Makes Torn a much more sympathetic character in my eyes and sets up the emotional value of his rescue later on nicely.

Very good work so far, Joule. :) I wish you the best of luck with the rest of The Beginning of the End.