Talk:An Island Ruled by Pirates! A Storm and a Confrontation!/@comment-27169256-20140916233428

Let me give you the Amazing CJ Review!

I've been waiting to give some stories but now I've FINALLY gotten a chance to do so

Very interesting chapter to say the least, what with the young man meeting into a storm, then coming to a town looking for a ship and getting involved with some thugs. Seems like too much is going on in the scene for me to really understand where the story is going, who's perspective is it being told from, and where exactly they are at the moment.

Also, I noticed you switched between "past" and "present" tense during the chapter.

When you wrote "Meanwhile, a boat has been caught" this was present tense while the rest of the chapter is in past tense. You should always stick to one, preferably Past for more clearer writing.

Another thing that's been bugging me is the transition of the timeline and how confusing it is.

In the fist half of the scene we're told about a young child and his grandfather. Then in the next, we're told about a young man entering a town. Because this is a script fiction and void of in depth descriptions, I'm now confused on who the protagonist is and if the earlier scene was a flash back or not.

If it was purposely done to keep it a secret from the viewers than good job as you fooled me but if it wasn't, then I suggest making sure you clearly present a way to show people if the scene is a flash back or just switching between two different characters.

That's it for the CJ Review on Chapter 1, I'll praise your writing though and say that while lacking in powerful and artistic synonyms, you did make use of words you are comfortable with that made the chapter enjoyable.

Nice work and onto the chapter we go.