Talk:Padrino Part 20/@comment-4080028-20131103052731

Very nice chapter, Rinji. Lots of cool moments to be had in this one. Best of all for you, I can't find anything to nitpick this time. :P (Well, regarding my characters. lol I'll leave Hope up to Caring's opinion.)

However, if there was one thing that could come close to nitpicking, it'd be my wish to see the entirety of the fight between Rise vs Rinji and Chris. Just because it's fascinating me as to what they did to beat her up so much. But that's about it. As for what I enjoyed throughout the chapter, well~

First off, I'm getting a sort of Whitebeard vibe off of Snowbeard, the more I see him. Probably because they;re both old pirates and experienced, and that they have some tremendous strength. Plus, the way he commands his crew and draws respect from Rinji and Chris just feels so 'Whitebeard' to me. Personally, I like it. I'm also eager to see what events unfold now that he's going to split off and search for Kala.

The sudden appearance of our masked intruders here was spot on too. Took a fun, enjoyable battle between the Red Guard and the three crews and turned it on its head. Nothing like upping the ante to REALLY hook readers into a story. I may need to look this chapter up again when I feel I should pull the same manuever in my non-collaborated stories; just to learn how to execute this trick in just the right way. The return of the traitorous Gonzo Lee and Juuri should also make things even more interesting too. And of course, I loved seeing Timber and Sakura in action together. Cool combo! And very creative idea with the Timber Technique: Electro-lock. :) Not sure if he'd need electric discharge to wrestle a machine back down, but hey, who says he needed to be predictable?

Usagi's skirmish with Juuri was awesome, and I loved seeing her kick his ass. It almost feels like every time I see her, she's steadily becoming a greater swordsman. And more badass too. And now we get to the coup de grace (not sure how that last word's spelled. It's French, lol) Rinji vs. KAR-2099. I think it was straight up epicness from start to finish. If I were to describe this as being coreographed (again, not sure how to spell that,) I'd have to praise practically every action and movement as being expertly pulled off and chosen by you. It felt like I was actually watching a fight scene in a Shonen anime. Something I rarely experience when reading fanon. It was also great to see Rinji on the verge of defeat. NOT because I hate him or anything, no no. But because it reminds the reader that he isn't invincible and is still in very possible danger. That's a great feat to pull off with a main character. No one like a boring undefeatable hero after all.

Finally, the reveal of Jiro. I must admit that my memory of him when reading his page is foggy at best, so when I first saw him appear near the end, I partly WAS taken back by surprise, but the utterance of 'Neko' tipped me off that it had to be a certain Nekojin. Nevertheless, I wasn't expecting Jiro himself. Very VERY well done, Rinji. And I'm pleased to see KAR get defeated in such an epic way, thus saving Rinji from near death. Oh, and speaking of, I loved imagining him with that grin. It felt like such a D thing to do. It sort of tugged at my heartstrings a little to envision that happening.

Right, enough rambling from me. You got enough feedback to satisfy you, it seems. lol Excellent work, Rinji. Excellent.