Talk:The Stage has been Set! March on to the Pirate Base!/@comment-27169256-20140918011335

Chapter 5 Has Arrived and So Has....



The Infamous CJ Review!

So, what happens in this chapter? Some god ol back and forth banter between the protagonist and his (I'm assuming) future crew mate. I actually quite enjoyed this one as it was more centered on showing how much White is changing Wamano and his dislike of pirates is slowing slipping.

Though, I do wish we'll get to dive more into Wanamo's hatred of pirates and maybe see some of his back history seeing as how I have a feeling he'll be an important character.

I'm loving you OC White, he's quite the scatter brain (but really, how many OP main OC's aren't like that).

And finally, Wanamo and white are heading for the Pirate Base. I was honestly expecting this chapter to be the one where they enter the base and start messing shit up but I guess I can wait till next time.

I no longer see any problems with your tenses, good work on fixing them and keep it going. I also noticed this chapter is a noticeable amount lengthier than the others which I thank you for doing. Doesn't it feel much more rewarding when you write a longer chapter and finally get it done and published?

The only evident problems I saw in this chapter was [[file:Sighingplz.gif]

A.) Wanamo's frequent use of the word "Baka". I know you were trying to establish him as the "sane" character that has to point out how crazy and reckless the main guy is but I felt this word was used way too many times that it needed to be. For another word that could somewhat relay the same message, you could have just made Wanamo refer to him as "Hey You" as it would follow his dislike for him (seeing as how he doesn't even call him his own name). Remember that frequently using a word in the same chapter, especially a word as noticeable amount that's not a transition word (ex And) is a bad thing. Try to remember that.

And for B.) The descriptions are still lacking for me. Please, in the future try to add more detail to even simple scenes such as White's stupidity by punching the wall to make it even more enjoyable (ex describing how shocked Wanamo is with a startled expression).

I believe that's all for now and I can confidently say that was your best chapter of the one's you've made.

P.S You might wanna slow down bro, posting new chapters too quickly might discourage some readers as they'll most likely think you're not putting much time into this because of how fast you're making them.