User blog comment:Awesome!/Ships of Fools Chapter 19:Subarashii story./@comment-1949750-20110319070431

@Awesome!: Here's my honest opinion on your story. I am kinda lost in your story. I can see your writing format is based on the Chapter Predictions back in the OP Wiki which are good but I don't think this style of writing is quite right for your story. Also there are other reason why I am lost in your storys.

A few reasons why:

1: I can easily read the chapter predictions back in OP wiki b/c I obviously read all the previous chapters and I can see how the plot is flowing and can easily imagine the scenes and the character actions from where the writers like BlackLegSanji and Yontouryuu have picked up from the previous chapters.

In other words, I can't sense or feel the plot flow from your story because I am unfamiliar with the plot of your characters and it still doesn't have enough details to tell what's going on. This format limits your details or pacing because a page has a limit of what it can hold.

I think you're better writing in a normal script format than manga chapter.

2. I see the main characters in OP all the time so it's not that hard to see what they do and react. But your characters are completely new to me even if I briefly read their profiles but not as much as Luffy and the crew. They are not properly introduced to me in the story. They are just people who just randomly pop out as if I just started watching a movie from the middle of the plot. They are strangers to me and I know you said to look at their history but it would help if you introduce them briefly at the start.

So pretty much, I can imagine reading the chapter predictions at OP wiki as a real OP chapter in front of me b/c from so much experience reading and watching OP.

1) Introduce the characters (NOT all of their info but summaries like their roles, goals) As story goes on, introduce their fighting abilities to the readers. Also, not sure why you have the cover page with Zoro and Sanji since this story is about your crew.

2) Since you started at Chapter 19, tell us in a summary of what they were doing before they enter and see the new world. How the heck did Surabashii get injured? Yes, he got from that Octopus but how? Did he win, lose, tie, run away before the chapter started

3. What do the villains like Boss Herkun look like when they first appeared? Write Details on the new characters' appearances (in this case, villains) unless the main characters can' see them at all and they are portrayed as shadowy figures to the readers.

4. Most importantly, lose the chapter page by page format. I can't see what's going on in each page as accurately as you without enough details.

Anyway, I didn't say your story is bad at all. It has potential and is interesting but I don't think you portrayed the story right or started your story right.