Talk:One Adventure - Chapter 1/@comment-4080028-20140914023855

Huh, this was shorter than I was expecting. So short in fact, that it's kind of hard for me to really get a good feel for the chapter itself. So I can't say for certain whether it was good or not. Seems decent enough for the beginning of a story though; if albeit already picking a fight with a guy and two thugs feels like the action's getting forced in there near the end.

I have mixed feelings about the chapter. On one hand, it seems alright to me, since this is just the beginning and so I shouldn't have my expectations too high just yet. On the other hand, I wish there was more to see and that there was a slower pace, so that we could really get immersed into what you're presenting to us. The way the young man ends up getting threatened by those three guys feels a bit like you're trying to quickly get to the exciting, fun stuff without letting the plot build up to it at a natural pace. So it feels a bit off-putting.

In any case, I love Lazuli Island's concept. It sounds so beautiful. ^_^ Must be a nice place to visit. Also, when adding the B symbol to a page, use these:

{

}

but write them twice each. It'll get you the symbol you're looking for.

Nice start, Z. Looking forward to seeing how the story progresses.