Talk:Exhibition Report 01/@comment-3337232-20150609173402

This is pretty God damn unique if I may say so.

First thing that came to mind when I read this is that the style and narration it's written in is akin to the author pitching a script or show idea to another person. I for one Really appreciate that since a lot of people on the site write their chapters like "this is the script", since all there usually is is a paragraph of setting, this character's line, that character's line, movement or action in italics of parenthesis, repeat.

In the same way I described the first, this is written like "this is the script, let me read it to you and tell you how it would look." I don't think anyone  else on the site has tried that yet. I'm probably really wrong since this is one of the first times I've looked at somebody else's writing in Years but hey. This stands out.

It's also good that you took the time to make most of the character pages and such Before this. I think there was a year's time (in 2011) between me shatting out my first chapter of Shells and then making a character page for the Protagonist of the story. In my defense me being here is a light hobby and not a dailly part of my life, but still. This has been a light hobby of mine for I think five years.

Anyway,

The negatives. Wait, what negatives? Oh right, the dialogue. The Only problem with the dialogue is it sounds a little awkward at times. Now I don't know if that is the intent but if it's not I think a good idea would be to sit down and read this entire chapter to yourself out loud. If you don't have that luxury, read it under your breath or just loud enough for you to actually hear yourself. Proofreading like that Really helps when it comes to fixing many problems. There was also a piece or two of grammar that could be changed and proofreading Audibly will help catch that in the future. Also let me stress that it Has to be audibly. The way your mind works is you don't get the Full picture of anything, you get I believe two parts of it and your mind automatically fills in the rest. That's how people end up writing "I went to the store to milk for breakfast" because your mind adds in the missing "get".

This is a good start. It can definitely go for a nice edit to fix those grammar issues and maybe resolve the dialogue issue, which is minor in a sense. If you need some help with any grammar or dialogue that you don't get feel free to click on my name and post something on my talk page. Replying to this works too, but I don't think it notifies me when comments are replied to. Whatever works for you.