Talk:One Piece of Music: Chapter 2/@comment-4080028-20131203175058

Nice to see some exposition as to what's going on and where this place is. Have to say though, I know I commended you in the previous chapter for excellent details and writing, but I feel you sort of overdid it this time. As I've learned time and time again, you need to find a reasonable middle ground; not too simplistic and yet not too overly detailed. That way, you don't confuse readers or get them lost as they read and paint the story in their mind.

I liked seeing Aharon and Iroppoi appear, since I'll get to see more of them in their own story (One Piece of Music,) much like Thoosa and Ruriko. Though I wish I could have seen what happened to Thoosa and where she is now. Feels off-putting to me to see the main protagonist gone for an entire chapter, albeit seeing Ruriko appear helped just a bit.

Finally, you may want to do some proofreading sometime. Some words were misplaced, such as "only fall to unconscious." May want to switch the order of fall and to for maximum clarity. Other than the small mistakes, you were golden.

In any case, this was an enjoyable read, and I'm looking forward to seeing what's next.