Talk:Too Be Human Chapter 1/@comment-24070327-20140520205113

.hack// G.U....for the WIN Noodle! 8D

You've done well with this. A little jagged with the transitions, but otherwise it was good. Also, try not to make your dialogue repetitive. Kuroba dual use of the word heathen made it seem like he had a limited vocabulary. Which might be true considering his circumstances, but it really undercuts his status as the smarter of the two.

Either way, well done.