Talk:Clear Start/@comment-5008281-20141101070251

Reivews Reviews! Fun for everyone! SPOILERS!!!

Hey Nada! I was so Psyched when I learned that you finished your story, now I know that my expectations weren't for nothing! Still, as a writer and loyal literature buff, I must be truthful in my review, so here we go!

The Great: DIALOGUE! GLORIOUS DIALOGUE! You have a serious knack for people interacting through verbal interaction, and a dry humor that has carried stories for generations, and that is a true gift sent from the stars. I love reading your dialogue because it doesn't sound forced, and it actually sounds like how people talk! The only small problem I have seen is in your punctuation and knowing where to place emphasis in certain words, but that is very minor, and does not distract at all. Kudos for that.

The Good: The twist at the end was seriously jarring, but in a good way! Honestly I found myself HATING Mori's everloving guts! That is always a good sign that I am invested in the story itself and that is something to be celebrated.

The Not So Good: Description seems to be your over-all weakness for your story, and it is ever-so important for a story. Although your dialogue does compensate for some lack of detail, it is still an overall need for a story to progress if we know what is happening and where our characters are. This goes for the timeskip transitions as well, they explain somethings, but we are not given a true setting nor are we given a real sum of what all has happened within that transition. If you can rev up your details, I am certain that your stories will progress with a very smooth narrative, and your dialogue will paint a glorious picture of your characters, who are obviously meant for great things.

The Bad: The true crime you commit during your story is that you TELL and do not SHOW. In your character intros you tend to write their whole character traits and other attributes all out for your readers when you have proven through your dialogue that you are CLEARLY CAPABLE of showing us these character's personalities and THEN SOME. Less is more in this case, we don't need to know everything about them the first time we see them, we will learn their traits as we read and as we do this gradually, the more we feel that we know these characters on a personal level.