Talk:The Verão Archipelago Conflict Pt 2/@comment-4080028-20160511044715

Heh, I keep managing to forget somehow that this story is meant to be seen from differing viewpoints. Guess I'm too used to a single viewpoint lately. Anyway...

So yeah, aside from the same issue with spelling and grammar that should be taken care of so readers can fully understand what's being said and done, I think there were some problems you were having early on with this chapter. Like, early on, it looked like  what you wrote was being repeated. Like "red armor pirate: red armor pirate:" or something like that. Might want to fix that too.

My main gripe is the pacing though; it feels like you rushed through this chapter too quickly without giving yourself some time to describe the setting in detail, or allowing the characters to interact at a natural speed and pace. Like, it kind of felt like they were being pushed along so the story can move faster, which isn't really something I feel comfortable with. So I'd definitely suggest letting yourself slow down a bit and take some time to go into detail about what's going on, where everyone is, what it is exactly they're doing, and so on. I think my other problem is how the characters talk, since it feels a bit similar to each other. Like, it's hard for me to gather what kind of personality each of them have when they all seem to have the same style of speech. Also not very comfortable with the "I think something might happen just a feeling I have" line, since it feels kind of forced to me. Like, "in case no one's noticed yet, I'm building up to suspense and danger," instead of allowing it to happen on its own time. Also, again, it just makes the pacing feel rushed.

Despite all my criticism though, it's nothing to get bent out of shape over either. The reason this stuff is called constructive criticism is because while it points out flaws in something, it's with the intent to help a writer/artist/whatever grow and get better over time. So think of this as me trying to help make your stories as awesome as we all know they can be.

The chapter itself though, well... honestly, given how everything went, I felt the first chapter was much better off. This one... well... I didn't have much of a chance to feel anything at all. So I'm sorry, but I feel this one could have been done so much better. But hey, that just means there's room for growth, so that whatever you aim to do next will be even better.