Talk:The Life of a Loved One 1: Mona vs. the World/@comment-5008281-20151220000241

Wow, it went from a slow beginning to a heart-pounding conclusion, and it had a really nice build up along the way. I can kind of see where Chris gets his personality. It was a good story, though at times it can get quite wordy, and a lot of the action can sort of mesh together. Though, I know how that is, when you have something to detail in your head, the tendancy is to push it as far as you can.

Despite its length, it was a very easy story to read as, as I said before the beginning was quite slow, but it does easy quite well into the action. I will say that calling her woman, only to call her Lisa, then to reveal it was Mona the whole time. I don't know if it's my jaded persona with stories, or if it was just my train of thought, but I knew it was her the whole time, and I knew you were going to try to convince us it wasn't her. Still, that doesn't strike a point against you, it was just a point of boasting for me.

Overall, GREAT addition to this competition, and a strong entry. Good stuff all around. Thanks for entering and good luck!